作者简介：

贾金桃（网名：桃李成蹊）。她是桃李文化传媒创刊人、总裁，某航空飞行器制造企业董事长。她是一个充满儒雅、智慧的知识型女企业家，她又是一个颇具文学造诣、有情怀和担当的文学人。她在文海拾贝，商海遨游，创作并发表了大量的诗歌、散文等文学作品。现创建桃李文化传媒，致力于文企融合、勇攀文学高峰。

清明时节话凄凉

——祭奠母亲逝世十周年

作者｜贾金桃（中国）

英译｜静好（英国）

审译｜任诚刚（中国）

合诵｜平文、枫韵（中）、薇薇（英）

导语和音频｜云朵（中国）

荐稿｜高溪溪（澳大利亚）

“慈乌失其母，哑哑吐哀音。

昼夜不飞去，经年守故林。”

这首白居易的《慈乌夜啼》总让我泪奔，我仿佛就是那只失去母亲的“慈乌”，“夜夜夜半啼，闻者为沾襟”。年年清明，今又清明。转眼间，母亲去世已十年了，追忆缅怀之情在这清明时节愈发令我悲痛不已。

何谓清明？山水同在为“清”，日月同在为“明”，一个“同”字，道尽了天地秘密。无水之山少了情韵，无山之水少了风骨；无日之月少了热烈，无月之日少了温柔；水因山不浊，山因水不枯；日因月不烈，月因日不晦。这一切，都在一种“大同”之中实现了，这便是人间“清明。”

清明节是作为一个特殊的孝道文化的节日，上坟祭祖追怀先人已成了既古老又现代的一种传统，这一传统体现了人们“慎终追远”的思想，更是一种孝道的显现。清明节是最适合怀念的，我情不自禁地沉浸在这悲伤的节日里。母亲的音容笑貌历历在目，对母亲的所有回忆都已融入了我的血脉里，对于我来说，这才是纪念母亲的最好方式。

母亲的一生充满传奇，她四岁时就沦为童养媳，17岁时成了父亲的“战利品”。那时父亲才21岁，他不仅是一名共产党员，还是农会主席，带领劳苦大众打土豪分田地，在一地主老财家解救了母亲，并经党组织批准，娶母亲为妻。母亲虽没有文化，但明事理，识大体，我们姊妹七人都是由母亲哺育成人的，父亲因工作繁忙，很少顾家，只在“大是大非”的问题上对我们进行“概念性教育”。关于母亲平凡而伟大的一生，不是在清明节时寥寥数语可以道完的，我早就有一个心愿，待将来赋闲时，要为母亲写一部《回忆录》，既是对母亲的怀念，也为抚慰自己那颗疼痛的心，这也是我能为母亲做的唯一的事情了。虽然我已不能将母亲走过的路再走一遍，但我能用文字穿越母亲一生的生命轨迹。

我赡养母亲数十载，一切都以“最好的”作为标准，满足母亲的所有心愿，让母亲安享晚年生活，若母亲身体稍有不适，我便会十分重视，连伤风感冒也不敢轻忽。尽管我再小心翼翼地侍奉，母亲终究还是病倒了，她于2012年初夏突患脑溢血，三天后竟溘然长世，享年85岁。我在医院陪母亲度过了最后一个夜晚，我和母亲说了一夜的话，我知道母亲最牵挂的是她的子女儿孙，我知道她要我继续照顾他们，我贴在母亲的耳边一遍又一遍地重复着我的诺言。母亲虽已不能说话，但她能听得见我说话，两滴晶莹的泪珠凝结在眼角，久久不肯落下。我知道母亲连流泪的力气都没有了，这两滴泪珠是母亲对这个世界最后的眷恋，也是母亲对我最后的嘱托、最后的爱！

母亲是在我的怀里走的，而我是从妈妈的怀中来的，这也许是一种圆满的生命轮回吧。

母亲走后，我终日以泪洗面，陷入哀痛中不能自拔。母亲去世后不久便是中秋节，我在月光下遥祭母亲，凝望着母亲的遗像伤心欲绝。曾记得，那一夜我哭得撕心裂肺，哭累了便和衣而睡，迷迷糊糊的进入了梦乡。梦里：母亲身着白底蓝花衬衫，发间别了一朵野菊花，她站在一束光里向我微笑，满脸慈祥。我迫不及待地问母亲：“妈妈，您在天上还好吗？您和爸爸在一起吗？” 。还没等我说完，妈妈就急切地对我说：“女儿啊，不要再想我了，我已经找到了你爸爸，我们都很好，你就放心吧，我要走了，你要照顾好自己啊！”

母亲说完后转身离去，那束光也消失了，我疯狂地哭喊：“妈妈，妈妈，您不要走，不要走啊……”  

这是一个真实的梦境，这是妈妈离开后第一次在梦中和我说的话，我一辈子都不会忘记！

梦醒时分，我满脸泪水，有些恍惚，分不清是梦境还是现实，喃喃自语：“妈妈，你要常来看我，女儿好想您啊！”

说来也真是不可思议，自那次母亲在梦里说“女儿，不要再想我了。”之后，我渐渐地从哀痛中走了出来，也逐渐恢复了正常的学习、工作和生活。也许是母亲心疼我才在梦里安慰我，或许是我怕母亲担心才努力地活成她希望的样子。自那以后，母亲时常与我在梦中相见，我每次都恋恋不舍地看着她的背影消失在看不见的尽头……

母亲走后，我在每个夜里都藏着一份盼望，盼着徐徐夜风能将我的思念捎给母亲，盼望母亲能在梦里来看我。若在梦里见不到母亲，那梦必是空无的、失望的，醒来后必定怅然若失。与母亲永别后，梦里相见，成了我最大的奢望和念想。

倘若万象皆是缥缈，那我的悲痛又怎能换来与母亲的今生一见？

妈妈，又到清明节了，我又会去祭拜您，但我害怕，我不敢亲近您的墓碑，因为女儿在地上，您在地下，一块墓碑将您和我阴阳两隔，我和您的距离隔着一块冰冷的墓碑啊！

妈妈，十年了，每年清明节时我都会来看您，每年都失望地幻想着那个等了又等的归期。明知道您不可能归途如虹，明知道您已找不到回家的路，但我还是痴痴的盼，固执的等，哪怕从今生等到来世。

岁月用痕迹丈量着雨雪风霜，阳光用穿透丈量着天高云深，而我对母亲的深深思念之情又该如何去丈量啊！

十年了，母亲一去不返，十年生死两茫茫，女儿无处话凄凉，无处话凄凉……

About the Loneliness on the Mourning Day 

- Commemorating the Tenth Anniversary of the Passing Away of My Mother

By Jia Jintao (China) 

Tr. Jinghao (UK) 

Modified by REN Chenggang (China)

 Reciter : Pingwen、 Fengyun in Chinese, Mary in English 

Introduction: Yunduo (China)

Recommender: GAO xixi (Australia)

"The gentle crow lost his mother, Crying aloud in a mournful sound. Day and night he doesn’t want to leave, keeping his perch shadow   is found.  " 

This song "Gentle Crow Crying in the Night" by Bai Juyi always makes me cry. I seem to be the "gentle crow" who lost his mother.  On Mourning Day every year, now Mourning Day again.  In the blink of an eye, it has been ten years since my mother passed away, and the memory of reminiscence is more and more saddening in this Mourning season.

What is Qingming?  The coexistence of mountains and rivers means "Qing", and the coexistence of sun and moon means "Ming".  Such a coexistence pours out the secret of the heaven and earth. A mountain without water is less romantic, a water without a mountain is less vigorous; a moon without a sun is less warm, and a sun without a moon accompanied is less gentle; water is not muddy because of mountains, and mountains are not dry because of water; the moon is not dark because of the sun.  All of these have been realized in a kind of "Great Harmony", which is the "Qingming" of the world.

Tomb-sweeping Day is a special festival of filial piety culture. It has become an ancient and modern tradition to pay tribute to ancestors and cherish them. This tradition embodies people's idea of "be careful doing things and cherish the memories of ancestors", and it is also a manifestation of filial piety.  Tomb-sweeping Day is the most suitable for nostalgia, and I can't help but immerse myself in this sad festival.  My mother's voice, face and smile are vivid in my eyes. All the memories of my mother have been integrated into my blood. For me, this is the best way to remember my mother.

My mother's life is full of legends. She became a child bride at the age of four, and became my father's "trophy" at the age of 17.  At that time, my father was only 21 years old. He was not only a member of the Communist Party, but also the chairman of the peasant association. He led the labouring masses to share the land with local tyrants, rescued my mother from an old wealthy landlord, and got the approval of the party organization to marry my mother.  Although my mother is illiterate, she is sensible and has general knowledge. Our seven sisters are all raised by our mother. My father was busy with his work and rarely took care of our family, only "conceptually educate" us on "big right and big wrong" issues.  About my mother's ordinary and great life, I can't finish it in a few words on this Mourning Day. I have long had a wish to write a "memoir" for my mother when I am idle in the future. It is not only a memory of my mother, but also something to soothe my aching heart. This is the only thing I can do for my mother. Although I can’t walk again on the same road as my mother walked, I can use words to traverse the trajectory of my mother's life.

I have supported my mother for decades, and everything is based on the "best" standard, to satisfy all my mother's wishes, and to let her enjoy her old age, if my mother is a little unwell, I will pay attention to it, even she just got a  cold, I will pay great attention. Despite my careful service, my mother eventually fell ill. She suffered a cerebral hemorrhage in the early summer of 2012, and died three days later at the age of 85.  I spent the last night with my mother in the hospital. I talked to my mother all night. I know that what my mother cares about most is her children and grandchildren. I know that she wants me to continue to take care of them. I stick to my mother's ear again and again.  Repeating my promise over and over again.  Although my mother could no longer speak, she could hear me. Two crystal tears condensed in the corners of her eyes and refused to fall for a long time.  I knew that my mother didn't even have the strength to cry. These two teardrops were my mother's last attachment to this world, my mother's last entrustment and my last love!

My mother died in my arms, and I came from my mother's arms. This may be a complete reincarnation of life. 

After my mother passed away, I washed my face in tears all day long, and I was unable to extricate myself from grief.  Shortly after my mother died, it was the Mid-Autumn Festival. I sacrificed to my mother in the moonlight, staring at the portrait of my mother, heartbroken.  I once remembered that night I cried so hard that I was tired from crying, so I slept with my clothes on, and fell asleep in a daze.  In the dream: My mother was wearing a white shirt with blue flowers and a wild chrysanthemum in her hair. She stood in a beam of light and smiled at me, her face full of kindness.  I couldn't wait to ask my mother: "Mom, how are you in the sky? Are you with dad together now?".  Before I could finish speaking, my mother said to me eagerly: "Daughter, don't think about me anymore, I have found your father, we are all fine, don't worry, I'm leaving, you have to take care of yourself!"

After my mother finished speaking, she turned and left, and the light disappeared. I cried frantically: "Mom, mom, don't go, don't go..." 

This is a real dream, this is the first time my mother said to me in a dream after she left, and I will never forget it for the rest of my life!

When I woke up from the dream, my face was full of tears, and I was in a trance. I couldn't tell whether it was a dream or reality. I muttered to myself, "Mom, you have to visit me often, your daughter misses you so much!"

It's really incredible. Since that time my mother said to me in a dream, "Daughter, don't think about me anymore." After that, I gradually came out of my grief and gradually returned to my normal study, work and life.  Maybe it was because my mother loves me that she comforted me in my dreams, or maybe it was because I was afraid of my mother's worries that I worked hard to live the way she wanted.  Since then, my mother has often met me in my dreams, and every time I reluctantly watched her back disappear into the invisible end...

After my mother left, I hold a hope every night, hoping that gentle night wind would pass my thoughts on to my mother, and hope that my mother would come to see me in my dreams.  If I can't see my mother in the dream, the dream will be empty and disappointing, and I will be disappointed when I wake up.  After saying goodbye to my mother, seeing each other in a dream has become my biggest extravagance and longing.

If everything is illusory, how can my grief be exchanged for seeing my mother once again in this life? 

Mom, it's Mourning Day again, I will go to worship you again, but I am afraid, I dare not get close to your tombstone, because your daughter is on the ground, you are underground, a tombstone separates you and me, between you and me, the distance is separated by this cold tombstone!

Mom, it's been ten years, I've come to see you every year on Mourning Day, and every year I've been disappointed and fantasized about that long-awaited return date.  I know that you can't return home like a rainbow, and I know that you can't find your way home, but I still hope and stubbornly wait, even if I wait for the next life from this life. 

Years use traces to measure the rain, snow, wind and frost, sunlight measures the depth of the sky with penetration of height and thick clouds, but how should I measure my deep missing for my mother!

Ten years past, my mother has never returned, ten years have we been parted: The living and the dead hearing no news, your daughter has nowhere to say the desolate, nowhere to say the desolate...

英译者简介：

静好，原名王静，英籍华人。现任海外凤凰诗译社社长兼总编、世界名人会荣誉社长，作品散布在各网络平台及报刊杂志如《人民日报》《中国诗刊》《国际日报》等。多次获奖，中欧跨文化作家协会会员，联合国《世界生态》杂志顾问。

Jinghao; real name: Wang Jing; a British Chinese; President and Editor-in-Chief of the Overseas Phoenix Poetry Translation Agency and honorary President of the World Celebrity Association; works found on various network platforms and newspapers and magazines such as "People's Daily", "Chinese Poetry", "International Daily", etc.  Awarded many times; member of the China-Europe Cross-cultural Writers Association; consultant of the United Nations "World Ecology" magazine.

译审教授简介：

任诚刚，男，云南农业大学外语学院英语教授；云南大学滇池学院客座教授。海外诗译社副社长、诗殿堂执行主编、当代先锋文学社首席顾问、暮雪诗歌年鉴编委。主要从事MTI硕士研究生高级文学翻译及英语专业翻译理论与实践课程教学。系中华（传统）诗词学会会员、云南省翻译工作者协会理事；编著书籍：《旅美吟稿》（专著、1999）等6部。擅长文学创作及翻译，以诗歌韵译见长。

Ren Chenggang, male, Professor of English, College of Foreign Languages, Yunnan Agricultural University; Guest Professor of Dianchi College, Yunnan University; Vice-chairman of Overseas Phoenix Poetry Translation Society; Executive Editor of Poetry Hall; Chief Adviser of Contemporary Pioneer Literature; Editor and English Translator of Muxue Peotry. Mainly engaged in the teaching of Advanced Literature Translation for MTI and translation theory and practice for English majors. As a member of Chinese (traditional) Poetry Society and a council member of Yunnan Translators Association, he is the author of books Autographic Poetry in America ( 1999); etc. Be good at literary creation and translation, especially poetry rhymed translation.

特邀金牌中文女主播简介：

枫韵，胡艳琴，内蒙古赤峰市朗诵协会会员。曾获得诗意赤峰首届朗诵大赛优秀奖;曾获得中央人民广播电视台第五届“夏青杯"朗诵大赛赤峰地区总决赛三等奖；曾获得全民悦读朗诵大会赤峰评选区一等奖。喜欢摄影，爱好朗诵。用摄影的眼光寻求生活中的美，在诗情画意中感悟人生，追求多彩生活。    

特邀金牌中文男主播简介：

平文，张平文，内蒙古赤峰市朗诵协会会员。曾获得诗意赤峰首届朗诵大赛优秀奖;曾获得中央人民广播电视台第五届“夏青杯"朗诵大赛赤峰地区总决赛三等奖；曾获得全民悦读朗诵大会赤峰评选区一等奖。喜欢运动，爱好朗诵、唱歌。在诗意中感受美好生活，在诗意中寻求夕阳人生。     

金牌英文主播简介：

黄薇薇，【海外诗译社】三语主播。任职香港某私营机构国际业务部主管。

Mary Wong, engaged in international business with a private enterprise in Hong Kong.

导语和音频合成者简介：

云朵，本名宋仙云，【海外诗译社】副社长兼中文主播；天津某国企退休干部。曾在大型国企从事过多年电视播音、编辑工作，经常担任各类活动的主持。2018年参加滨海新区巅峰朗诵大赛获得组合类一等奖。

Yun Duo, whose real name is Song Xianyun, is a Chinese anchor of “Overseas Phoenix Poetry Translation society”；a retired cadre of a state-owned enterprise in Tianjin.  She has been engaged in TV broadcasting and editing work in large state-owned enterprises for many years, and often served as the host of various activities.  In 2018, she participated in the Binhai New Area Peak Recitation Competition and won the first prize in the combination category.

荐稿人简介：

高溪溪，现居悉尼，澳大利亚悉尼Seacapital中海国际地产公司顾问。【海外诗译】营销副社长和签约作家，桃李文化传媒平台签约作者。喜爱文字和文学，热爱传统与传承，酷爱听诗及品诗！喜欢用中文打捞我的诗意生活。

Gao Xixi, now living in Sydney, consultant of Seacapital China Overseas Real Estate Company in Sydney, Australia.  【Overseas Poetry Translation Society 】Vice President of Marketing and Signed Writer, Signed Writer of Taoli Culture Media Platform.  Love words and literature, love tradition and inheritance, and love listening to and tasting poetry!  I like to salvage my poetic life in Chinese.

注：海外诗译和桃李文化传媒长期合作，《清明时节话凄凉》是由桃李文化传媒推荐给海外诗译，由海外诗译双语合诵制作发布，推向全球。

本期荐稿：高溪溪（悉尼）

本期总编：静好（英国）

注：图片来自网络。